There’s this giant bush in the yard right across the street from my parents’ house that the resident moose love to visit in the fall.  When I was in high school, I had this wonderful dog named Cinder who was part collie, so she wasn’t a small dog.  She would venture out to the end of my parents’ driveway and position herself just so – she’d be slightly slanted, but mostly standing so that her rear end was facing the moose and she was aimed back at the house (ready to bolt back to safety).  Then she’d look over her shoulder and bark at this moose and at the first sign of ANY movement on the moose’s part, she would run straight back into the house where it was safe. 

Sometimes, I’m not much different than that sweet, goofy dog. I get slightly overconfident in my ability to stay the course, regardless of what the enemy, or just life, throws my way.  But then there’s this moment when I feel out of my depth, and I run for cover. 

That’s actually happened a lot the last few weeks.  Even last night. I awoke in the dead of night.  Everything still and silent.  And all of a sudden, there was this thought hanging almost tangibly in the room. 

You’re not as good as Job – God himself declared that Job was unlike anyone else on the earth, that he was blameless and upright. Look at everything that was allowed to be done to him – and if God allowed that in his life, why do you doubt that can happen to you?

I admit it… there were a good five to ten minutes, maybe more because I didn’t look at the clock… that I had no idea what to do.  I couldn’t get my head to think straight because I was just a scared, crying little girl who was so far out of her depth that it felt like I had just lost.  It was true, if God saw fit to let Job lose everything he had been given…. How do I know God won’t let the same happen to me?

The answer is that I don’t. 

As the fog started to grow, I began to pray, and then this gentle nudge told me to audibly declare the prayer shaping in my brain.  And here was the bottom line… I don’t know why God allows certain things to happen, but I trust his judgment.  I trust that He sees everything, every heart, every hidden agenda, and that He uses circumstances in this world to weave everything together, to use everything for my good – not for good as the world sees it, but truly good things, the eternal things that declare His kingdom, that declares who Jesus is and what He has done. 

What Jesus has done.

I realized then how scared I am of declaring the truth in my own life.  I get scared of acknowledging how far I’ve come in my faith, and I’m even more intimidated of speaking the truth of who I am in relation to all Jesus has given me.  Because if I do that . . . there’s a chance that there will be someone waiting in the wings to tell me how I’m wrong – even people whose opinions hold weight in my life.  I hold onto this idea that I still am this girl who has no authority to speak up – nothing to contribute.  But when I do that… when I diminish any part of who I am…when I deny that while I’m absolutely not as blameless and righteous as Job must have been, I am the daughter of the one true God.  When I deny that I have been given the authority to tell the enemy to take a hike, that I can overcome my fleshly desires, that I have the ability to take every thought captive and submit it fully to the Lord, I am at the same time denying the fullness of what Jesus literally died to accomplish.  When I do anything but embrace who I am called to be and leave everything else in the dust, when I refuse to acknowledge it because I’m scared that people in my life will look at me and say that I’m wrong, God could never entrust any mission of any importance to me, I am telling Jesus that his sacrifice was not enough. 

Yes, Jesus died to save us.  That work of his is finished regardless of what we do, what we fail at or even if we really believe that. That’s not going to change.  But our mission is not over.  I don’t know anyone who doesn’t know the saying that the only thing needed for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.  In a fallen world, overrun by the power of darkness, the only actual good that exists is God.  And through the work and blood of Jesus – His spirit exists in every one of his true disciples.  As the Holy Spirit works in us, sanctifies us, transforms us, gives us new hearts… I believe that we are those good men and women called to stand in the way of that evil.  Called to stand and pray and protect those who aren’t as far on the journey.  Called to boldly be the light in the darkness. To encourage each other as the Holy Spirit encourages us.  This world, this country, our towns and communities and families, need that army, called by God, to rise and take our place. To take up our crosses and trust – really trust – that God know what He is doing. He doesn’t miss anything, he’s never late and he never forgets to show up.  It’s time to answer that call.